Sometimes we allocate an amount of time to learning a new task and if we run over that allotted time we often believe we are incapable of ever attaining that skill.

The speed at which we learn is something, in comparison to someone else who appears to grasp a concept much quicker than us initially, is not an indication of our inability to ever learn that new skill.

Neither is it a definitive conclusion that because of our slow start will can not at some point,  not only master this new behaviour, but also become even more proficient in the future than those that appeared to grasp the basic principles at the offset.

Your time is your time. Your speed is your speed. Take your time and persevere.

Resilience is born inside of the struggle.

‘Disengage negative thoughts by simply moving.’

It can seem the hardest thing in the world to do something else, when what you had planned for, or would rather be doing, falls through.

Just recently on a visit to see my father in Pembrokeshire, towards the end of my stay, all I wanted to do was pitch up at the beach, go for a swim and just relax, but having come on the train and therefore the dependency on my father to chauffeur me around, the world becomes very small place and the choices of what to do seem even more limited. Especially when the chauffeur doesn’t really like doing what you do!

Before I know it, the best we can muster as a dreaded ‘happy medium’ which is rarely a joyful substitute, is a slow walk by the river.

And it clear very shortly in, that the dog – who is getting on a bit in years –  is less than happy with the substitution and decides the 100 metres we have walked is enough and feints a paw injury, which miraculously clears up once he’s back at home.

At this point I felt like smashing my head repeatedly against the wall to somehow realise the build-up, like cracking a coconut wide open to release the milk of madness!

It’s bloody frustrating to say the least and so hard to focus or think positively.

The mind-set we are in is not the eager participant at a workshop, or the person on stage at a hypnotic show.

It’s the mind of the person who wants to be defiant, who says this is bollocks! Who is screaming ‘I’m fucking losing my mind over here!’

Try saying ‘think positive’ to an angry adolescent and you know you’re in for an almighty ‘fuck off!!!!!’

And that’s the problem.

We are metaphorically two people at these times.

One is a logical adult, who knows you are in a shit place that you need to get out of as soon as possible.

However you are also in the company of a hair triggered, angry, negative teenager who will explode at the suggestion of anything other than what they actually want to do.

It’s like a hostage negotiation and it takes a lot of diplomacy and baby steps to prevent the bomb being detonated.

A taster of a suggestion is the way forwards, rather than sweeping statements, especially when what you have to offer,  both you and your teenager know it’s shit in comparison to what you really want to do –  but can’t.

All I knew is that I could lie down on the bed and die metaphorically, which would ruin the rest of the day for everyone in the vicinity, or I could just do something that got me moving, such as going for a walk, run or bike ride.

However for the record I have to admit when my father initially suggested the idea of taking the bike out, it felt like a bit of me died as I thought to myself ‘is this what it’s come to – a bike ride?!’

But it’s nearly always the case, that once you get moving, it’s not as bad as you thought.

Not in a ‘wow this is amazing’ way, but simply because anything has to be better than sitting there in the grip of frustration.

It’s just getting moving that takes the main haul.

And I’m not here to kid you, or me, that it’s better than what we originally wanted. Chances are, its not.

But it’s usually a lot better than the way we feel when we don’t get what we want.

It’s never easy I know, even when we know this.

I struggled today and will continue to do so.

But movement is the key along with bit size suggestions.

Move just quick enough to detach your mind from what you are currently pissed off about.

Cox yourself, for example, with the idea of a run round the block rather than a 10k run.

Once you get started, you may actually want to keep going for 10k, but when you are sat on your bed about to keel over into the sea of despair, the idea of 10k will be too much and probably push you over the ledge.

Just work on getting yourself off the ledge instead of over it at first, and go from there!

In the end it’s not that I had the best time if my life, but I did have a good time.

It might not be your idea of a good time, but I discovered some heavy tractor tyres in a field which are great for strength and conditioning work, allowing me to while away half an hour happily struggling to flip them back and forth – I’m easily amused.

I discovered a cycle track through the woods and in the rest intervals, I basked in the sun and wrote this post.

So in comparison to smashing my head into the floor and spending the rest of the afternoon hating the world, it was a pretty good alternative I think.

And it’s never easy, even when we know this.

I struggled today and will continue to do so.

But it’s useful to know that when we are stuck we can use our physiology to break us free from our stuck state.

And depending on the stickiness of that stuck state, will dictate what the type of movement we need to do.

For me, a walk or even a run would not have been quick enough, or engaging enough to disconnect my mind from my thoughts. I would have started down the road and come to a grinding halt because the negative thoughts would have sucked my fuel.

I needed to put the bike on the road and for two reasons.

One, for me cycling takes less effort than running and yet the distance covered for the amount of effort is far greater and more rewarding when I cycle. When we feel despondent we need some quick gratification to keep us moving.

Secondly where my mind was temporally focused on the skinny wheels not going down a drain cover or a car ploughing into the back of me as I navigated my way along the roads I forgot about my problems – generally, staying alive has a tendency to focus the mind and that’s what I needed.

Like I mentioned earlier this isn’t a post with a conclusion. It’s an observation.

One that even though I know works, will never the less be equally hard to get moving next time I’m in a whirl pool of emotion.

However by knowing this fact and the adage of just putting one foot in front of the other, we can attempt to get some momentum and a way out of our frustration towards some sort of mental liberation.

Just get moving.

On a recent trip to visit my father in Pembrokeshire I stopped at the only beach shop available in the area, for a bottle of water.

Coming from London I’m used to crazy prices for things and Pembrokeshire prices are usually a pleasant relief for my wallet.

However this was not the case this day as the lady behind the counter asked me for 1.30 for a small bottle of water!

‘What are these, London prices?!’ I exclaimed.

‘No Pembrokeshire prices’, was the stone faced response.

My father said he wouldn’t pay, and walked out. Being a  local makes these prices hard to swallow for the natives!

I felt the same, but in these situations we have to weigh up in this case – whether my ‘thirst is worth quenching’ rather than whether the ‘water is worth the money’ even when I know its probably been purchased for 20p.

Also, once it’s done and paid for and drunk, I’m not thirsty any more and I forget about it.

If I stay thirsty all day its a catalyst for anger, because I’m constantly reminded by being thirsty of the injustice of a monopolising beach shop which then effects my mood which makes me go round and round in circles, thirsty and angry, but changing nothing instead of enjoying a beautiful beach and a gorgeous day.

If I’m not willing to sort myself out first how can I expect to change anything else.

Principles are great, but not if you are the only one who ends up paying for them.

Just because I stay thirsty doesn’t change the shop’s ethics. There’s no where else to go to buy water, so people will keep going back whether I walk away or not.

The water may not have been worth the money but not being thirsty and having a peaceful satisfied walk on the beach was worth every penny.

If we want to change something then perhaps we need to look at what we want rather than what someone else is  getting from us, because these beach shops are everywhere in different guises so know what’s really important before you walk away empty handed.

In the Middle Ages, alchemists tried to find a way to change iron to gold.

Some men spent their entire lives in a fruitless search for the magic formula
that would change ordinary iron into beautiful, shining gold — gold that would
make them wealthier and more powerful than emperors and kings.

They never succeeded.

This sounds like my personal development journey at times, one where I hope to change me into someone else!

Maybe its better to turn iron into something that irons made for rather than trying to make it what it’s not and never will be.

I was on my way to a acting/therapy workshop – Perdekamp Emotional Method – , but  I had been on a leaving do the previous night which is never good and ‘just one’ drink had lead, as it often does, to many drinks when I’m are in good company I find.

When im reflecting on my mood I quickly scribble something in my phone notes to write a post at a later date.

I like these notes because they are honest reflections in time. They are not feel good or unrealistic suggestion to pump ourselves up, they just are just observations of the facts of my situation at a particular moment in time and my outlook and solution.

This is a good example of real life.

‘Sat here tired on my way to PEM
My mind is preoccupied with thoughts like – I’m not going to get much out of this course in this state, I’m tired, shouldn’t have drunk on Friday, shall I give up drinking?, I need a week off, should have gone to bed early, fuck its work tomorrow and I can’t be arsed….

That’s life and conditions are rarely perfect. I’ve just got to keep moving forwards.’

“All courses of action are risky, so prudence is not in avoiding danger (it’s impossible), but calculating risk and acting decisively. Make mistakes of ambitionand not mistakes of sloth. Develop the strength to do bold things, not the strength to suffer.”
– Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince

You don’t need to keep doing this!

How many times do you have to do it before it’s enough to prove you are not afraid?

How long after you do it does it no longer matter and any feelings of being good enough have worn off?

Will you keep having to do it until you break something, (mentally or physically)which just confirms what you believed all along and that you are in fact a pathetic excuse for a human being?

These are the questions I ask myself every time I encounter this particular jump along the rocks at one of my favourite beaches in Pembrokeshire.

(Water bottle is the top rock to jump from)

I have done it several times and the landing has always worked out and not to painful. But each time I do, it doesn’t make it easier the next time I visit  because I’m usually blissfully unaware that I’m approaching it until it blocks my path and its to late to pretend its not there!

(From the water bottle to this rock in the forefront)

And the other truth is that for a brief moment I know that, for me, the leap into the abyss – the moment of decision when I move off the ledge makes me feel alive! Its exhilarating

But even when I know this, it’s a battle every time.

For me it’s scary to jump.  To some it may seem easy. To some it looks like madness!

(Landed!! – Water bottle was where the jump starts))

The problem with this jump, as with so many things we want to do that scare us, is that it offers potential elation, but also potentially, long term disappointment or damage.

Not doing what we fear keeps us safe.

But in staying safe, a little bit of us dies each time we walk away.

And there’s no telling when it’s right to jump and when its best to turn back, until you jump. And then its to late either way. It’s all on red or black.

And when it goes tits up, you realise that sometimes it’s best to walk away – until the next time, where we have to go through the whole process again.

When its goes well, we embrace risk as our saviour – until the next time.

It’s this internal battle of knowing neither one is right and both can make you feel good or bad depending on what the outcome is, that creates huge uncertainty and indecision.

Making the right decision is tough.

No matter what antidotes I hear, whether it’s something philosophical or a General Patton ‘just fucking do it’ type war cry, choosing to jump, literally or metaphorically, is always hard, because however we land, we are the ones who have to live with the consequences.

And prior to tough decisions we are often left asking WHY?

Why do I need to do this?

What am I lacking that keeps driving me to do more?

Why does it even matter?

Who really cares?

And if it’s us that cares, again why?

Is it a healthy drive or one that will eventually only ends in a self-destructive way? Can we ever win? Are we ever content?

It sounds negative and certainly not motivational.

But I’m not interested in that.

Much of what sounds right or makes us feel good in the moment, is predominately only useful because it allows us to continue doing what we are doing, but under the illusion that we’re somehow enlightened towards our behaviour and will sometime, but never really change in reality.

I’m interested in why we do what we do and why we feel the need to – especially when it feels as though we need to force ourselves to do something. Something which may give us some redemption from a feeling of not being enough, or because we believe we are lacking some sort if characteristic of the person we wish we were. And why despite doing all this, does so much of what we believe will make us feel happy, never last.

Because despite what we are told in the infomercials and self-development industry regarding change, on the journey of who we want to be, or how we would like to feel is in constant oscillation.

It feels to me that we are always going to be attempting to align ourselves with an ideal, even when we know its photo shopped idea of reality.

Even as we progress in our desire to change, to grow and to improve, we still make it feel as though we are always negotiating with ourselves, doubting ourselves, berating ourselves, forcing ourselves to get up and keep moving.

If we do change, it can often just seem like we have just stepped up a level, that may on the outside look better, but internally still carries with it the same challenges and beliefs about who we think we are.

I’m not going to wrap this in a solution. I don’t have one.

It’s an observation taken from real life. My life.

Sometimes enquiry will set me free from indecision and sometimes it won’t.

Sometimes I will take a leap of faith and feel amazing and reflect on it for the next time.

Sometimes I’ll have to walk away and feel crappy and I’ll reflect on that.

And where it feels that right now there are no answers, I’ll use those moments to keep me hungry and searching for the way out.

There will be days that I want to give it all up and accept ‘this is the way it is’ but once I’ve rested, I know I’ll be back.

I wish I had the same desire for something less impossible and that at the same time would make me super wealthy to pursue all the things I’d love to do, but it seems this is the thing that keeps that bit in my teeth that I can’t leave alone.

That bit of bacon that gets stuck in between your teeth that your tongue won’t bow down to and keeps searching for, even though it gives you a head ache because of its relentlessness!

And just like the affliction of ‘bacon tooth’ and the elation from the eventual dislodging of the porky morsel, the quest to discover how to align ourselves to get the most out of our lives is what keeps me getting up and saying ‘There is always a way! There has to be!’

 

By Unknown Author

The definition of integrity has two parts, both equally important.

Uprightness of character, honesty.

The state of being complete or undivided.

Integrity basically means to be whole, complete and in truth.

Unfortunately most people today do not keep their word and commitments.

In the old days, your word was your bond.

Keeping your word was the basic measure of who you were as a person.

Nothing has changed. Your integrity truly represents who you are as a human being.

Without integrity there is no “trust”, and trust is a critical key to success in both relationships and business.

If people don’t trust you, they won’t want to be involved with you, and definitely won’t buy from you.

Remember, you get back what you give out.

If you are “out of integrity”, two things will occur.

First, since like attracts like, you will keep bumping into others who are “out of integrity” for you to deal with. Not to punish you, but to teach you. What better way for you to learn about “integrity” than to meet mirrors of yourself and experience others not telling the truth and not keeping their agreements or commitments.

Second, “integrity” is a higher power energy. Meaning that when you are “in integrity” you are in your power; you feel strong and confident about yourself. When you are out of integrity, you are out of your power and feel weak.

Make your word “law”. When you say something, you have to mean it and be willing to go to the ends of the earth to make certain your word is kept.

This not only builds trust in you from others, but you trust yourself more. As each thing you say actually happens, your confidence soars and you become a truly powerful human being. With your power comes success in any and all arenas of your life.

EXERCISE:

Today, start your practice of integrity with two simple exercises. First be “on time” for every appointment you make. Second, keep all of your agreements and commitments. If you told someone you would call them today, do it. If you told yourself you would workout today, do it. If you said you were going to put 10% of your money into your “Financial Freedom Account”, do it. In short, say what you mean and mean what you say. If you do, not only will you gain the respect of others, you will also respect yourself!

THIS IS NOT MY POST – THIS IS ONE WRITTEN BY ANDY AUSTIN BUT I REALLY LIKE IT IN TERMS OF NLP CLAIMS AND THE REALITY OF THOSE CLAIMS AND WHY.

This is my reply on a LinkedIn group in response to a question about modelling criminals in order to find better solutions to imprisonment.  I thought it worth sharing here:

To add to this, I too often wonder about all this supposed modelling. I don’t wish to dismiss the original question in this thread as I think it has worth, but I have to ask where are all the models and demonstrations of the excellence that is so frequently claimed in NLP?

For example:

– Did an NLPer ever win the target shooting at the Olympics?
– Do we have legions of NLPers making money on the stock exchange, in property investment?
– Do we have NLPers offering lessons in healing on hospital wards?
– Any NLPers competing and winning at Nascar?
– Any NLPers inventing new machines and technology?
– Any champion fighters, boxers or gamblers who got there from NLP modelling?
– Any medical breakthroughs from NLP modelling?

There may be one or two, but I doubt there are very many despite there being many, many thousands of people trained in NLP and claiming qualification.

I think in part it goes wrong because to do any of these things involves a great amount of work, and many NLPers don’t want to do “work” – what they want to do is NLP!

There are undoubtedly a very great number of dedicated people who work in the criminal justice system who well understand the model of criminality from a multiple of aspects. I doubt such understanding comes through chatting to a few crims though. Hard work, dedication and being in it for the long haul will probably help a lot.

One of the problems in-built into the world of NLP is that so many people are attracted to NLP for selfish purposes i.e. personal development and recreation. It’s fun, it fulfils, it’s a good thing to do.

However, many jobs such as medicine/nursing, criminal justice, military and so on require something else – the ability to deal with really shitty times and bad days at the office, physical and mental exhaustion, physical and mental threats and challenges and so on.

These are usually the very things that the NLPer and coach seeks to avoid – it is one of the reasons that so many self-employed seek self employment – to avoid the pain of work.

It is just unfortunate that so many end up avoiding not just the pain, but they also avoid the work itself.